before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize