Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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