I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
