She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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