So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
