This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
