Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
