So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize