Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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