God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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