I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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