I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
