You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
