the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
