no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize