i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
