but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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