my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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