What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
