All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize