Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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