I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You've changed since you got that strap on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
