I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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