Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
