party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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