That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
