I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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