if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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