Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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