wakey wakey hands off snakey
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
