The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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