I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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