Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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