How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
