Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
