After last night, I could never be a politician.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
