Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
