she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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