weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
