textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize