I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
