i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
