Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
