Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
