yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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