his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Houston, we have a blender
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
