You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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