Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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