It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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