I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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