I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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