my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
