All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just fell off a train. Bad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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