I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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