Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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