She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
