Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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