don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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