Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
