it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
