You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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