First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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