y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
