How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
