...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
