my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
