Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize