There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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