u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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