From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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