Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
