if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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