I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
