It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Couch. On fire.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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