I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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