I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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