I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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