dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
