what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
