I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
