I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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