So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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