Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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