This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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