But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
