my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
