Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
