i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
