Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
