Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
