Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
be right there i have to get my cape
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
