The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize