She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have started to decorate penises.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize