I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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