I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
