Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
