My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
