i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
