You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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