Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
