I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
