And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
