I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
