i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
