she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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